heh, woopsiwufu
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Everything is falling into place.
So I'm done first year. I've been done for over 2 months. Life was good to me then, and continues to be great.
I still don't want to grow up.
In the last week, I got a job, my partial I-can-drive-myself-now-but-not-full license, a place to stay, and a midterm nice and done. I wrote some crap that is doing relatively decently, said goodbye to friends that will likely not be seen for a LONG LONG time, and grew up a little. Gained responsibilities.
I watched Toy Story 3 today... with a friend moving out of province. That's far enough to constitute a plane ride. I wanted to cry when I left, but I'd cried all my tears at the end of the movie. It's a good movie; go see it.
I should start prepping for life more-or-less alone. No people down the hall to barge in on, no parents to bother me when I'm on the internet, no... company. Except for math class, work, and the roommate. Who is so surprisingly like me, despite not knowing her all that well, that it's insane.
We'll see if we get along, I guess. I'm afraid I'll do something wrong.
I think there's something wrong with my body. Doctors don't agree, it seems, but they still want me on meds. I don't want the meds, because I'm ok with what's wrong with my body, really. But... maybe the meds can make the mental anguish go away... make me into the person I want to be. Maybe what's wrong with my body is what's messing with my head...
But there's no way to know, cuz I'm not taking the meds. Ever. On pain of death.
Must be going, since i have work in the morrow, but...
Thought I'd drop a line. Life's good. Not that anyone's reading...
I'm getting older too fast. And that scares me.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
The Tough Guide to Fantasy Land, and other news
HEY HI HELLO!!!!
Today, I went out to the bookstore (actually, i went to buy movie tickets 5-6 hours before, to ensure not being sold out, then to the pharmacy because the people with me needed detergent, then i wandered to the bookstore while they were paying, and stayed there for a bit). I found this book in the discount section by Diana Wynne Jones, called "The Tough Guide to Fantasy Land". I think it was supposed to say "The Thorough Guide to Fantasy Land" but whatever, it's still amazing :D
An excerpt after the cut!!
Patrons of Inns are mostly AVERAGE FOLK with a sprinkling of STRANGE RACES, and are put in the INN to make the barmaids too busy to serve you and to provide loud conversations followed by a TAVERN BRAWL. In some cases they also show suspicion and growl when you talk to them. All of this is known by the Management as 'atmosphere'. But you should listen to what they say over their tankards of BEER. They will always have the latest rumour, and this will give you a hint about what the DARK LORD is up to now.
Dark Lady. There is never one of these – so see DARK LORD instead. The management considers that male Dark Ones have more potential to be sinister, and seldom if ever employs a female in this role. This is purely because the Management was born too late to meet my Great Aunt Clara.
Did I mention this makes me happy? Very Very Happy. It's basically a dictionary of fantasy things, written in a funny way :D I'm essentially going to use it as a pick me up/ reference book for fantasy stories in the future :D
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Oh, and I watched Alice and Wonderland today. Great movie, the effects were amazing, and Mia Waka-whatsit was amazing, and hot in her armor at the end. I quite liked the ending... and the line that she says "I will make my own path!" I also loved how the writing was done. Though I'm not entirely sure the White Queen is any better than the Red Queen... she was kinda weird...
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I didn't fail my linguistics exam!! I almost did, but I didn't really, so :D
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Happy Belated 2010!!
I have lived in 2 centuries, 2 millenniums, and 3 decades, and I'm not even 20 yet...
Ya, I'm late, it's February... and the last couple posts have been RIP posts... But HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
I'm in University, and I never have time to blog, not that anyone reads this. I would just like to say that this year has been so much better so far than last year. Art class that is actually art class is SOOOO worth it and amazing. I wake up every day for breakfast, courtesy of a floormate being courteous enough to wake me up, and I"m now on a diet of 'no-sugar, no-fried-foods', which even the healthiest people on my floor are amazed at... apparently not sneaking the occasional chocolate takes a lot of willpower :D
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ALSO, though I wasn't nearly as close, and I wasn't nearly as knowledgeable, two of my parents' friends passed away in January... I didn't know them all that well, but RIP Aunty Kit and Uncle MunChoi.
I visited the latter once when he was in the hospital for cancer... The doctors already told him there was nothing they could do, but he was still smiling, still happy, and still so at peace and content with his life, because God was with him, and he was faithful, so he knew where he was going. That kind of faith and strength is amazing, and entirely inspirational.
His son is my age, and we grew up the first couple years together, though I don't know him at all anymore. But his dad and his mom have known my parents since before immigrating, since, like, the early 80's or something. So when everyone who was at the funeral saw me, they (inevitably) told me how similar I looked to my mom, and how similar my brother looked to my dad.
And patted me on the cheek.
Oh joy.
But there was very little sadness in this funeral. There was quiet calm, and a deep sense of loss, but no real sadness, as opposed to the other funerals. I guess it's a testament to how faithful he was, because not only did he know where he was going, everyone else was sure of where he was going as well. He was very close to finishing his Masters in Theology... from what I know about him, he was an amazing man. I kind of wish we had spent more time with him and his family, like we did when I was much younger...
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Anyways, I have class in a couple minutes, so I have to get going. A less sad, less depressing post, but still RIP. I swear one day, I'll have a regular mundane happnening post, like "Today, I ate scrambled eggs. Again. Just like every other day." kind of post (which, by the way, today, I did have eggs... haha). Until then... Adieu!
Friday, September 25, 2009
Just cuz you were planning too, doesn't mean that you will get to...
Today, I had been having an amazing day. I'd had math class at 1 (Gawd, I slept in! YESSSS! :D) Then I watched as my professor did awe-inspiring math for me, just cuz I asked (in office hours, but meh). Then when I got back to the dorms, I went to the music room and played around, cuz my floormate-friend was in there with her other friend. We then made plans for afterwards, to go to Youth Group. So far, this is an awesome, relaxed day. An amazing day that I haven't been able to have for a long time.
After fooling around in my friend's room, we went to supper with my neighbour, and it was there that my day was shattered into a million different pieces.
I decided I had to check the message on my phone. A single message, from my brother. One message has the power to floor you...
He told me that the nice high school librarian, the one that practically carried me throughout Grade 10, and kept a hold on my hand throughout the rest of my high school years, had passed away. The one that I respected with this crazy respect that was hard to break... She was gone, and my brother wanted to know when the funeral was.
I didn't believe my brother. Of course I didn't... it was just so hard to believe. I had seen her the last day of school. We had a conversation about... books, and where I was going with my life... Where I wanted to go after university.
She told me that if and when I visited, I had to go say hi, and give her an update. I promised I would.
She had seemed so full of energy then, so well.
I quickly called my friend still at the high school... and he told me that it was true. His words were that she "is no longer with us"... That's when it hit. Hard. He said it was cancer, and apparently she'd been struggling with it for a while. You couldn't tell... she was such a strong women; it was incredible. You really, fully couldn't tell. Looking around, only a select few people knew about it at all...
I cried. Of course I did. For such an amazing women to have died... the happiness of the day was sucked away. I lost all energy, I cried... there was nothing else I could do. There was no one to go to... well, the people I was with were a great help, but I can not reminisce with them about the awesomeness of this wondrous lady.
I cried several times throughout the night. I'm still wanting to cry... At some point in the night, I decided I would hold it in for a little while... stop making the people around me feel uncomfortable... we still went through with the plans we made (going to Youth Group) and I cried several times there... Blessed Be Your Name is incredibly difficult to sing when you're actually in sorrow and suffering... and I couldn't sing it without the tears...
Mrs. Maclennan... you were the cornerstone of the school library... I hope you know that. Without you, and your organization, and your ability to just... know exactly what we needed, none of the students would have survived their projects...
Thank you for all the help throughout high school, throughout Student Parliament... everything. I saw you once a DAY for a year.... and many times afterwards. But now I'm never going to see you again. It's... unbelievable. I don't believe it. I don't want to.
I still have the stickers and pens you gave me for secret santa... I don't think I can ever use those ones now. Ever. I was wearing the sweater... the parliament sweater today. When I heard, I was wearing it. I didn't know anything could ever be as significant as when I finally realized I had it with me... and what strength I could pull just from wearing it close to me... Marine Bilogy, right?
I can't even imagine what life is like for the other people who knew you, who worked with you and were taught and touched by you more than I ever was... I can't imagine what it's like for Ms. Stone... she was taught by you, AND she worked with you... How jarring can this be for her? I can't even fathom it....
or your husband? You were weeping over your cats, and I wouldn't be surprised if he was too... My condolences go to him, but I doubt that's enough for him at all...
I'm sorry, Mrs. MacLennan, that I couldn't visit before this happened. I figured that I could visit later... I figured that it'd be ok if I just... waited til Thanksgiving, or Commencement, or... something. I mean, it's just September... Why would you already want to know how I'm doing? I'm sorry I couldn't see you... I miss you already.
I had planned to visit you, I really had. But life never goes to plan, does it?
RIP Myra MacLennan, September 2009
Sunday, July 26, 2009
My Thoughts on Funerals
I just got back from my second one this year... and probably the fourth one I've been to ever (I guess I'd call myself fortunate). These are just some of my thoughts on the matter.
The first of the funerals was for a very vibrant woman who had struggled for a long time with cancer. This recent one was for a man who was recently married to the love of his life (this is her second marriage... her first husband passed away too), who died abruptly of a heart attack.
The first was filled with relief for her passing, and for her transition into a better place. The second was full of sorrow and questions over the suddenness of his passing. I knew the lady more than I knew the man, yet somehow, the man's funeral was infinitely more sad than the lady's.
When I went to the man's funeral, I thought to myself 'I don't know him all that well, I doubt I'll cry.' Then I looked around at people that I didn't think had known him even as well as I did, and saw them crying... and wondered 'why can't I feel?' That is, until the family members and friends spoke. At that moment in time, I was happy to know that I am indeed able to feel, am indeed quite empathetic, and am indeed a woman prone to sensitivity and crying for... well, for a reason. I wasn't the only one either.
I found, however, that the saddest part of both funerals was not walking up to the front to see the casket, nor was it the eulogies, or the singing. The saddest part was the breathing. The pausing as the speaker (whoever they were, they were close to the deceased) collected themselves in order to present what they felt was the most important aspect of that person's life. The quiet, almost emotionless, way they told it was nothing compared to the waiting. In those deep breaths, they conveyed the depth of their sorrow, the fullness of their loss. Just by inhaling and exhaling... the sadness was palpable. Not almost. It was definitely palpable. It was in those times that the seated people started swiping at eyes, or shuffling for tissues. Or, like me, simply letting the tears fall, to be dabbed away with a fingertip once it's reached my lower cheek.
People tend to say "No words can be used to fully express their sorrow" when certain horrid tragedies occur. They don't need words. God knows how much was portrayed with just air today.
Another thing. Never apologize for not being able to contain your sorrow, for being selfish and wishing they were still here. It is your right to have this sorrow and this wish, but do not hold strong to it. You are allowed to be sad, just don't make that the reason why you live... and don't allow it to stop you from living. Cry when you must cry, and laugh when you must laugh. Live how you must live, and die when God calls you to Him. This way, when you die, you will have... less regrets.
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On another note, I haven't blogged much since the start of summer because I have a job now, and I get up at 5 am, and get home, at... like, 7 pm every day... and on Thursdays and Fridays, I get home at midnight... But I love my summer job, so I believe that's all that really matters, isn't it?
On another another note :P (Another squared?) I visited my old church for the funeral... I haven't been back there since........ Iunno, March? Earlier? Before I cut my hair, for sure... people didn't recognize me. (BTW I DIDN'T MENTION I CUT MY HAIR!!! 10 INCHES AFTER PROM!!) By people, I mean people that have known me since... grade 2 :P I could walk by them today without being... "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN YOU RASCAL"'d =D All because of the hair and the shades... but even without the shades, it was the hair. It was quite amusing... as was the amusement from me about the fact that the friends of mine wanted to muss up my hair... apparently it's a big temptation for people to play with my now-very-short hair (which apparently suits me)... It takes forever to get the ruffled-and-disheveled-but-not-messy look, you know?
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